Love and Marriage

Sorry I didn’t post adoption blog yesterday, but my husband and I had our January date!

Like most married people with children, we try to have at least one date for ourselves without the kids, dogs, or even friends – just him and me!

It was really nice – we saw a movie, ate Sushi, and got a midnight cap drink –Wow, it was so peaceful!  It was a real treat that no one was saying, “He’s touching my stuff,” or “When is our dinner coming?” or “Do we have to eat that?” or constant reminders to sit down and behave!

Anyhow, back to the topic of adoption.

My husband and I both have friends who were adopted (or have adopted children) from overseas and domestic (within U.S.).

Let me tell you that it is a long process and sometimes painful process (if the child you were going to adopt falls through – whatever the reason might be).

In addition to emotional and time consuming burden, it is a huge financial burden as well; especially if you adopt children from overseas.

Not only you, the parent(s), have to pay for domestic paper works, but you also have to pay for overseas work as well – it’s a double whammy, but sure is worth it when you see your child’s face.

Whatever the reasons might be (challenges of conceiving or adding to existing family or being a single mom or etc) giving the opportunity to save a child (in turn saving your life as well) is a blessing — from personal experience, it is wonderful!

However, before you decide to adopt you need to first decide if you are going to go for international adoptions or domestic adoptions.

There are both pros and cons to each adoption so you need to understand and have clear expectations of both adoptions.

Jolie & Pitt

Pros — International Adoptions:

1) More children available from different parts of the world: many countries

2) Need to get approved for homestudy – usually, once you are approved you are practically guaranteed a child

3) Parents/children matched either by adoption agency, country’s adoption committee, or in-country visit

4) Parents know the timeline – usually 12-18 months; however, does differ from the country you are adopting your children from

5) Birthmothers will not change her mind – children are usually orphans

6) Know the cost before the process starts

Cons – International Adoptions

1) You will probably have to travel (depends on the age of the children and country)

2) Chances to get a newborn infant is slim

3) Child’s medical and family history might not be available

4) No guarantee you’ll receive a “perfect” child – There’s a great possibility that the child might have developmental disabled (depending on the length of stays in the orphanage)

5) Lots of paper work

6) Higher costs

Pros – Domestic Adoption:

1) Cost may be “little” compared to international adoptions; especially if you go through your state or adoptions through foster care system

2) Little travel required

3) Chances of getting an infant is greater

Cons – Domestic Adoption:

1) May require you to take classes – usually 25 or more hours (e.g. in Kansas parents are required to attend Model Approach to Partnership in Parenting (MAPP) classes

2) Birth mothers/fathers can change their minds (for longer and later stages of adoption process)

3) Harder procedural guidelines and requirements to adopt a child (unfortunately, discriminated against based on gender, age, sexuality, and etc)

Of course, there are more “pros and cons” to both adoption process; however, they are neither bad nor good — it’s all up to the prospective parents needs and wants.  In another words, what’s good for one perspective parents might be good for the other parents, and vice versa.

Either way you choose to go, giving a child a CHANCE is the greatest thing a human being can do!

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Adoption Network: Law Center.  Retrieved from http://international.adoption.com/foreign/pros-cons-of-international-adoption.html  (1/24/09).

Craft, C. Deciding Between Domestic Adoption and International Adoption.  About.com  Retrieved from http://adoption.about.com/od/adopting/a/domint.htm (1/24/09).

Robin, W. The Pros and Cons of Domestic Adoptions.  Ezinearticles.  Retrieved from http://ezinearticles.com/?The-Pros-And-Cons-Of-Domestic-Adoptions&id=559304 (1/24/09).

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If it has been a long time for you or you are now organizing a wedding you probably remembered (or now realize) how expensive it is.

It has been estimated that average wedding range from $20,000 to $25,000* (or much more) – it’s a decision of having a beautiful wedding vs. saving cash for a down-payment on a house/condo. 

Here are some wedding Statistics from National Association of Wedding Ministers**.

1) During the engagement period, couples buy: $4 billion in furniture, $3 billion in house-wares, and $400 million in tableware. 
2) Wedding industry is a $50 billion/year industry
3) Average age for the first-time brides is 25 years, for grooms it’s 27.5
4) A total of $72 billion is spent on weddings annually in the U.S.
5) $19 billion is spent buying presents at wedding gift registry
6) The average amount spent on a bridal gown is $800
7) David’s Bridal accounts for 20% of all bridal-gown sales, and that percentage is increasing
8) The average ring costs $2,000
9) 80% of traditional weddings are performed in churches or synagogue

So let’s elope; right?  Well, I think most men are opting for this option – eliminate headaches, measuring, picking out right napkin color, flowers, bridal shows, and etc.  However, probably most of you women are not too fond of this.

We, women, have this idea in our head (since we were a little girl) to have a beautiful large white wedding with beautiful ceremony, cake, and a perfect wedding dress. 

Unfortunately, everything comes with a price – are you willing to pay for it? 

One of the main reasons people elope these days are to eliminate the cost.  Roughly 30% of all engaged couples have to pay for their own wedding – wish they have rich parents, huh? 

Honestly, you are not having the wedding for yourself – you are having the wedding for everybody else.  Think about it – you are having the ceremony to show everybody that You are in love, You are getting married, You are inviting them to witness the ceremony, and etc – well, that’s how I see it.

Fortunately, eloping is not tabooed so terribly these days, and I am grateful for that.  “Wedding” has been so distorted by the wedding industry that it seems like you have to have your wedding certain way to legitimize your love for your partner.

Remember, eloping is not considered a quickie anymore, but union of intimacy between two people in love.  
• Long, John.  Why Couples Elope!  Articlesbase.  http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/why-couples-elope-40852.html
** National Association of Wedding Ministers: Wedding Statistics.  Aministry.  http://www.aministry.net/wedding/statistics.htm

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What is love?  I think we all have different definition of LOVE.  Generally speaking it’s mix of emotions and experiences leading to a strong sense of affection to someone or something.

 We as people have been looking for love all our lives – some are lucky to have that special someone, and there are many who are still seeking for the “special someone” in their life; either using traditional dating methods, blind dates, using personals or using online services.

I have been married for more than 13 years, and have beautiful children with this man.  Not only he is the love of my life, but he is my man, my best friend, my soul-mate, my comedian, my shoulder, and so much more.

When he and I go on our monthly date (boy, we really look forward to it) people still asks us if we are newlyweds.  I think it’s awesome that after 13 years of marriage we are still in love.

Personally speaking, not only you have to love the person you are with, but you have to like them as well.  I don’t think people realize that liking the person means more than loving that person.

You will always love the person in your heart, but do you LIKE them enough to be around them all the time?
I will give you an example – I know it’s a terrible one, but it gets the message through clearly.

Most of you love your parents or love your in-laws or your special someone’s parents, but can you imagine being around them all the time?

If you answered “YES,” than you are on your way to a happy relation, but if you answered “NO” don’t worry you are not a bad person – it just makes you normal.

People have already spent billions of dollars in matchmaking industry Click Here! last year to find their mate, and this industry is growing ever rapidly — there are many link sites available online.

If you would like to take my advice under a consideration, make sure you like the person!

Good luck, and love will find you.

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